The Electoral Season

My opponents are yapping at my heels.

I have been asked if I wish them ill.

No, I do not wish them ill. If I wished them ill I would withdraw from the race. For this job, finally, is an unmitigated pain in the ass.

Yes, there are moments of reward -- as when the Press goes home, or I can just sit back on Air Force One and tell racist jokes; but, by and large, the job is a never ending grind, with little to look forward to but the hundreds of millions of dollars my supporters will be called upon to cough up when I have left office.

Let me serve notice on them now: you may call it "directorships," or "Charitable Institutions," or stock tips, or the "loan" of your beach house, but, friends, I did my part and you're going to do yours.

And, should one of my opponents prove successful come November, I say to them what the aged parents say to those with a newborn: "Ha Ha -- you're in for it now!"

God bless the United States.

-- Charles H.P. Smith

www.novembertheplay.com